This past spring, my landlords of seven years informed that they were taking advantage of the red-hot housing market and selling my rental. Since there was (and still is) an extreme shortage of housing in my hometown, this was very alarming news. But after a short time, I realized this could be an opportunity. I had been considering changing my job to part-time anyway, so what if I used this time to quit my job and create a little mini-gap in my life to do all the things I never had time to do? Wouldn't it be fun to just get in my car and set out for adventures unknown, taking photos and having time to write and explore, see some national parks and visit friends and family along the way? I decided to do it! I started planning. Dreaming. Joined groups on-line about women living in their cars and vans, glossing over the challenges and drinking in their words of adventure, freedom, and autonomy. I put notice in at my job. My brother helped me take out the backseat of my car and create a mini-camping space. I plotted out interesting travel points on the way from Maine to Michigan: Vermont! Niagara Falls! Cleveland! I set out in late September, car crammed with clothes, blankets, snacks, books, and other necessities. Maine roads are winding and narrow and tree-canopied, and it was a beautiful sunny drive, the White Mountains peeking at me in the distance and the trees just lightly brushed with fall color. I made it that night to New Hampshire and the next day to the Green Mountains of Vermont. And on day four of my big road trip that I'd planned for and been excited about for months, I gave up and turned around and drove back to Maine. What happened? Nothing horrible. Just a lot of little things, like getting lost constantly (did you know that GPS can go rouge?!?!?! I am now familiar with every dirt road from Montpelier to Burlington!!!! NOT INFORMATION THAT I EVER WANTED TO HAVE!!!!). Also, my old car started making new and alarming sounds despite all the repairs I'd just had done, and it leaked when it rained, making everything in the backseat passenger side damp. But mostly, I was just reminded how much I really, really, REALLY don't like driving. I was hoping that the typical physical and mental stress I usually experience with driving would be mitigated by the adventure of it all...but it wasn't. I could wallow in whether this was an epic fail or not (and I did!), but the bigger issue was, What do I now? I didn't have a place to live (and was staying with kind friends), had quit my job, and had sunk a lot of money into this plan, mostly in car repairs. And I still hadn't gone on my big adventure. Should I just give up completely and find a new job and (somehow, somewhere) a living space? Or maybe I should I get ONE more repair to the car and try the road trip again more slowly? I am not good at knowing when to quit. Taking some risks are easy: that neon t-shirt at the thrift store for $3.00? Sure! So what if I ended up hating it? Just re-donate it! Spending 15 years on a manuscript that is eating up all my writing time and going off in to so many tangents it resembles an literary octopus? Hmmm...that's a little harder. Did I really want to keep working on this book, or was I just in a pit of sunk-cost fallacy, unable to give up because of how much I'd already invested? And now I was facing a dilemma somewhere in-between. I'd put a lot of time and energy and hope into this trip. How could I just give up? Unlike the t-shirt or my novel, I didn't have time to waffle around--I had to decide now. Did I still really want to try this adventure? Hmmmm...was this really about driving all day and sleeping in my car? No. (NO!!!) It was about the adventure. About seeing family and friends I hadn't seen in years. About hiking in the southwest, a place I'd never been before. It was about feeling free to get up in the morning and letting the day unfold instead of doing the same old routine. I took a risk and it didn't work out. But sometimes all you need is to tweak it and try it again. Try something new with your book. Get the t-shirt in a different color. Or next time, listen to your instincts a little more closely. Don't get in the car, but have your adventure anyway. Find another way. Which is what I did. :) First stop: Michigan! Below are photos of one of my favorite places: Saugatuck Dunes State Park
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